Monday, July 11, 2011

For those of you who struggle......

Where did I go?  Where have I been?  What dark hole swallowed me up?  I feel like the girl who fell down the well.  There I was playing happily in the safe, sunlit world and then I was falling into darkness and loneliness.  Swallowed up by the night and squeezed in on all sides.  I couldn't move.  I couldn't breath.  I couldn't see, and there was no way out.  There was pain and panic.  For a long while I struggled and slipped back.  Then, my strength depleted, I resigned myself to live out my life in the unyielding pit.  Because unlike her, no one was looking for me.  No one looks for you when you fall into yourself and into a hole of depression.  To everyone else you look, feel, sound the same.  They don't know that you're really trapped and broken somewhere needing rescue.  They don't know that you screamed for help so long you lost your voice.  It's not their fault.  You couldn't tell them. 

But help was on the way.  It didn't come from the tiny point of light far above me that had been my hope.  It did not come how I expected it.  Someone had been carefully, oh so slowly as to not cave me in, digging along side of me all along.  He was prying away and removing, piece by hard packed piece, the dirt and rock that surrounded me.  Suddenly He was there.  It was only a small breech of my suffocating prison, but I wasn't alone.  There was air.  There was hope.  Hope renewed my strength. 

There's still work to be done.  Sometimes the excavation hurts, pushing in on me tighter.  Sometimes things are knocked loose and the air chokes me.  I have to trust that it's for my good and not my harm.  He's coming to save me.  I will walk in the light and air again.  I will be free.

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